You've seen those timelines illustrating how your health
improves from the very moment
you stop smoking, right?
Such charts come from august
groups like the American Cancer Society and prove that simply stopping something that's bad for you makes your life infinitely better.
Now let's consider the idea of how
leaving a bad boyfriend could improve one's life immediately—if one could just stop letting one's heart break over him.
[This would apply to anyone leaving a
broken relationship, but I'll stick with
heteronormative language here since
that's what I can best speak to, from
experience.]
Here then, is my timeline, with
associated benefits, for exiting a rotten
relationship:
Within 8 hours. Mascara stops
running because fewer tears
stream down face. Need for tissues
decreases.
Within 12 hours. Desire to commit
mayhem and throw objects
decreases. Ability to form
sentences not containing swear
words improves dramatically.
Need to make sarcastic, critical,
ironic, malicious, vengeful
comments about everything in
immediate environment becomes
less constant.
Within 24 hours. Sniffling becomes
intermittent, but savage ripping up
of photographs increases.
Within 24-36 hours. Chance of
making pitiful phone calls during
the day decreases. Anger sets in,
but ability to look in the mirror
without weeping returns. Ability
to shower and put on clean clothes
increases. Need to talk about stuff
aside from horror of relationship
is almost impossible to stop.
(Warn your friends.)
Within 48 hours. Ability to taste
and smell improves. Anger is
paired with increasing sense of
relief and gradual reawakening of
self-esteem. Chance of making
bitter phone calls in the middle of
the night decreases.
Within 7 days. Full, restful sleep is
again possible. Anger becomes
tinged with ability to laugh at
various relationship miseries.
Friends no longer fear hysterical
outbursts. Ability to move about in
public increases.
Within 2-to-3 months. Circulation
improves. Walking, eating,
sleeping, and exercising all become
easier. Chance of calling up
erstwhile paramour and slamming
down phone without speaking
significantly decreases.
Within 1-to-9 months. Energy
increases. Flirting becomes
possible. Thoughts of taking
courses to prepare for new
interests become delightful.
Refusing to re-enter rotten
relationship becomes essential.
Within 1 year. Excess risk of
heartbreak drops to near normal
levels. New interests replace sense
of being shackled to the past.
Ability to see erstwhile lover in a
crowd without gasping and
weeping now possible.
Within 2 years. Wondering why it
was ever such a big deal in the first
place is typical here. Big miserable
memories turn into little events
you barely remember. You might
even be able to recall certain
moments with a smile, but let's not
get ahead of ourselves here.
The important thing is this: you're
healthy again.
www.josiahdele.blogspot.com
improves from the very moment
you stop smoking, right?
Such charts come from august
groups like the American Cancer Society and prove that simply stopping something that's bad for you makes your life infinitely better.
Now let's consider the idea of how
leaving a bad boyfriend could improve one's life immediately—if one could just stop letting one's heart break over him.
[This would apply to anyone leaving a
broken relationship, but I'll stick with
heteronormative language here since
that's what I can best speak to, from
experience.]
Here then, is my timeline, with
associated benefits, for exiting a rotten
relationship:
Within 8 hours. Mascara stops
running because fewer tears
stream down face. Need for tissues
decreases.
Within 12 hours. Desire to commit
mayhem and throw objects
decreases. Ability to form
sentences not containing swear
words improves dramatically.
Need to make sarcastic, critical,
ironic, malicious, vengeful
comments about everything in
immediate environment becomes
less constant.
Within 24 hours. Sniffling becomes
intermittent, but savage ripping up
of photographs increases.
Within 24-36 hours. Chance of
making pitiful phone calls during
the day decreases. Anger sets in,
but ability to look in the mirror
without weeping returns. Ability
to shower and put on clean clothes
increases. Need to talk about stuff
aside from horror of relationship
is almost impossible to stop.
(Warn your friends.)
Within 48 hours. Ability to taste
and smell improves. Anger is
paired with increasing sense of
relief and gradual reawakening of
self-esteem. Chance of making
bitter phone calls in the middle of
the night decreases.
Within 7 days. Full, restful sleep is
again possible. Anger becomes
tinged with ability to laugh at
various relationship miseries.
Friends no longer fear hysterical
outbursts. Ability to move about in
public increases.
Within 2-to-3 months. Circulation
improves. Walking, eating,
sleeping, and exercising all become
easier. Chance of calling up
erstwhile paramour and slamming
down phone without speaking
significantly decreases.
Within 1-to-9 months. Energy
increases. Flirting becomes
possible. Thoughts of taking
courses to prepare for new
interests become delightful.
Refusing to re-enter rotten
relationship becomes essential.
Within 1 year. Excess risk of
heartbreak drops to near normal
levels. New interests replace sense
of being shackled to the past.
Ability to see erstwhile lover in a
crowd without gasping and
weeping now possible.
Within 2 years. Wondering why it
was ever such a big deal in the first
place is typical here. Big miserable
memories turn into little events
you barely remember. You might
even be able to recall certain
moments with a smile, but let's not
get ahead of ourselves here.
The important thing is this: you're
healthy again.
www.josiahdele.blogspot.com
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