If you want her to desire you ...
NEVER do these things:
I have long considered physical intimacy
between men and women as a very
unfunny cosmic joke.
Men get physical as a way to open up and
emotionally connect to their partner.
Women need to feel emotionally
connected to their partners before
opening up physically. I mean, who
designed this system?
Bridging this gap in approaches is often
very difficult and exhausting for even the
most committed couples. Left on their
own, couples can end up in destructive
patterns and eventually succumb to the
often devastating outcome that is a
sexless marriage — each partner feeling
turned off by the other.
But this sexless outcome is not inevitable.
When approached well, sex in marriage is
usually more frequent and better than
that of single lovers. Which means many
married couples keep their sex lives hot!
How do those husbands do it? The secret
to turning your wife on, gentlemen, is
also knowing (and avoiding) what
seriously turns her OFF. So, if you're
doing any of these oh-so unattractive
things — please stop!
1. Letting yourself go
While it is commonly accepted that men
are the visual creatures, women also
desire physical attractiveness in their
partners. I don't think it's fair to expect
anybody's body to remain unchanged
throughout the years, but making an
effort to maintain your appearance is a
signal to your wife that she's worth
making an effort for.
Unless bad breath, body odor, scratchy
face, beer belly, and worn out, dumpy
clothes are what she fell in love with, lose
them now.
2. Randomly groping her body
While my husband assures me that men
would love it if their wives spontaneously
grabbed their junk, most women do NOT
feel the same way. Being groped every
time they walk by, as if "a butt" or
"boobs" is all they are does not endear
women to men (nor wives to their
husbands). Neither does touching them
only when you desire sex.
Instead, try offering physical affection
with no strings attached. It actually
increases intimacy when the time is right.
And yes, women can tell the difference
between the two.
3. Half-assing foreplay
I once heard a man say that foreplay
should begin as soon as her last orgasm is
over. He wasn't talking about physical
foreplay, but emotional foreplay. Women
and men feel desire differently. It's often
hard for a woman to feel sexual desire
when she is not feeling loved,
acknowledged, and appreciated.
Wherever a woman's mind is, her body is
going to follow.
While, true, she also has a role in being
open to sex, you can do a lot to help her
get there. Spontaneously, willingly and
consistently take something off her plate,
like doing the dishes or making lunches.
Doing so can make a huge difference in
her desire for you. As does anything that
brings a bit of ease to her world.
Approaches like "Wooga, wooga baby,
wanna get lucky?" — not so much!
4. Not learning what pleases her
unique body
Just as all men aren't built the same,
neither are women. What worked with a
previous partner may not work (at all)
with your wife. (This also applies to
what's portrayed in porn, as well). In
addition, her ever-changing hormones can
make a huge difference in her interest and
enjoyment of sex. True intimacy, and
great sex, happen when you're both
enjoying yourself.
This means really focusing on what
arouses and satisfies her. That said,
mechanically going through the "routine"
each and every time, so you can get to
your climax is neither generous nor
emotionally fulfilling for her. It's also
important to remember that she may
need physical arousal before she can feel
desire. I find this is true for many women,
so expecting your wife to initiate intimacy
can lead to frustration for the both of you.
5. Sulking when you don't get sex
Even if you're suffering in a truly sexless
marriage, it is a huge (repeat: HUGE)
turn off if you pout, get angry, or
otherwise react badly when she turns
your advances down. I know it's hurtful
(and even embarrassing) but your partner
always has the right to say "no" to sex. If
it happens all the time, then it's a real
problem that the two of you need to
lovingly deal with ... together.
If it's only an occasional occurrence that
she's "not in the mood", then making her
feel bad will only breed resentment
towards you. And nothing kills attraction
like resentment. And, besides, do you
really want her to have sex with you out
of guilt? (If so, she's likely saying "no"
with good reason.)
Sex is a wonderful part of a marriage, but
it's only one part. There's a lot of
information out there on how to improve
your sex life. However, if there are
problems outside of the bedroom, there
will certainly be problems in it. This is
especially true if women aren't feeling
loved.
So, the most important thing you can do
to make sure your wife feels turned on is
making sure your marriage, outside the
bedroom, is in a good place.
NEVER do these things:
I have long considered physical intimacy
between men and women as a very
unfunny cosmic joke.
Men get physical as a way to open up and
emotionally connect to their partner.
Women need to feel emotionally
connected to their partners before
opening up physically. I mean, who
designed this system?
Bridging this gap in approaches is often
very difficult and exhausting for even the
most committed couples. Left on their
own, couples can end up in destructive
patterns and eventually succumb to the
often devastating outcome that is a
sexless marriage — each partner feeling
turned off by the other.
But this sexless outcome is not inevitable.
When approached well, sex in marriage is
usually more frequent and better than
that of single lovers. Which means many
married couples keep their sex lives hot!
How do those husbands do it? The secret
to turning your wife on, gentlemen, is
also knowing (and avoiding) what
seriously turns her OFF. So, if you're
doing any of these oh-so unattractive
things — please stop!
1. Letting yourself go
While it is commonly accepted that men
are the visual creatures, women also
desire physical attractiveness in their
partners. I don't think it's fair to expect
anybody's body to remain unchanged
throughout the years, but making an
effort to maintain your appearance is a
signal to your wife that she's worth
making an effort for.
Unless bad breath, body odor, scratchy
face, beer belly, and worn out, dumpy
clothes are what she fell in love with, lose
them now.
2. Randomly groping her body
While my husband assures me that men
would love it if their wives spontaneously
grabbed their junk, most women do NOT
feel the same way. Being groped every
time they walk by, as if "a butt" or
"boobs" is all they are does not endear
women to men (nor wives to their
husbands). Neither does touching them
only when you desire sex.
Instead, try offering physical affection
with no strings attached. It actually
increases intimacy when the time is right.
And yes, women can tell the difference
between the two.
3. Half-assing foreplay
I once heard a man say that foreplay
should begin as soon as her last orgasm is
over. He wasn't talking about physical
foreplay, but emotional foreplay. Women
and men feel desire differently. It's often
hard for a woman to feel sexual desire
when she is not feeling loved,
acknowledged, and appreciated.
Wherever a woman's mind is, her body is
going to follow.
While, true, she also has a role in being
open to sex, you can do a lot to help her
get there. Spontaneously, willingly and
consistently take something off her plate,
like doing the dishes or making lunches.
Doing so can make a huge difference in
her desire for you. As does anything that
brings a bit of ease to her world.
Approaches like "Wooga, wooga baby,
wanna get lucky?" — not so much!
4. Not learning what pleases her
unique body
Just as all men aren't built the same,
neither are women. What worked with a
previous partner may not work (at all)
with your wife. (This also applies to
what's portrayed in porn, as well). In
addition, her ever-changing hormones can
make a huge difference in her interest and
enjoyment of sex. True intimacy, and
great sex, happen when you're both
enjoying yourself.
This means really focusing on what
arouses and satisfies her. That said,
mechanically going through the "routine"
each and every time, so you can get to
your climax is neither generous nor
emotionally fulfilling for her. It's also
important to remember that she may
need physical arousal before she can feel
desire. I find this is true for many women,
so expecting your wife to initiate intimacy
can lead to frustration for the both of you.
5. Sulking when you don't get sex
Even if you're suffering in a truly sexless
marriage, it is a huge (repeat: HUGE)
turn off if you pout, get angry, or
otherwise react badly when she turns
your advances down. I know it's hurtful
(and even embarrassing) but your partner
always has the right to say "no" to sex. If
it happens all the time, then it's a real
problem that the two of you need to
lovingly deal with ... together.
If it's only an occasional occurrence that
she's "not in the mood", then making her
feel bad will only breed resentment
towards you. And nothing kills attraction
like resentment. And, besides, do you
really want her to have sex with you out
of guilt? (If so, she's likely saying "no"
with good reason.)
Sex is a wonderful part of a marriage, but
it's only one part. There's a lot of
information out there on how to improve
your sex life. However, if there are
problems outside of the bedroom, there
will certainly be problems in it. This is
especially true if women aren't feeling
loved.
So, the most important thing you can do
to make sure your wife feels turned on is
making sure your marriage, outside the
bedroom, is in a good place.
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