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Guys With Small Balls Have Bigger Hearts (Says Science)

Is he a keeper? The size of his family
jewels may reveal the answer.
For men, having big balls is just as
important as having a big penis. If you
have big balls you're, well, ballsy, and
being ballsy means being fearless, a real
man who can take on the world, and a
force with which only fools would mess!
You've never heard a man say, "Gee whiz,
I really wish I had some small balls. That
would be nice."
Well, ladies and gents, bigger is hardly
always better, and if you're looking to
procure a dude who's sensitive, loyal and
a great father, a man with small balls is
the way to go.
A group of scientists decided to get
together and study balls. (I mean,
someone has to do it if we're to uncover
the secrets of the testes.) The 70 men,
between the ages of 21 and 55 of varying
ethnicities, and all fathers of toddler-aged
kids, were subjected to ball sizing and
nurturing tendencies.
What the scientists found was that
there is a definite correlation
between the two, and it's those with
big balls that you may want to avoid
if you're looking for the real deal.
This isn't to suggest that all men with big
balls make lousy fathers, it's just that
they're less hands-on, and aren't exactly
jumping off the couch mid-football game
to bathe or feed their kid. If they get up
from that lounging position, those big
balls won't be able to scratch themselves,
and then the balls will be sad.
The study wanted to examine the
evolutionary theory that animals are
either made for breeding or nurturing. If
the testes are on the larger end of the
spectrum, the men inherently wants to
drop off their sperm, then sit back and
relax.
However, men who don't have to tote
their balls around in a wheelbarrow, and
may have even had a hard time sowing
their seeds, are more inclined to put
effort into raising a child, because why
waste energy on mating if those sperm
aren't exactly Ryan Lochte when
released?
Takeaway? Depending on what you're
looking for in a guy, you should probably
become just as obsessed with ball size as
every dude you've likely to have ever met.
I can't give you an exact circumference
you should be looking for, but I can say
that when you Google "big balls," you will
be both perplexed and horrified. Spare
yourself the agony, and don't take that
route in educating yourself in ball size.
The trial-and-error method is probably
best.

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