Your heart won't mend if you keep
obsessing.
He dumped you. Heartbreak can be so
painful and emotionally challenging,
especially if you thought there was
potential for a future together.
Sometimes the end comes as a complete
shock, but often there are signs along the
way. You may have chosen to look the
other way or brushed every painful
comment or action under the rug. You
wanted the relationship to work, but now
it's over. So now you have recurring
thoughts of your ex. In extreme cases, it
can feel like you're going through
withdrawal from an addiction, but it is
always painful. As hard as it is to believe,
you can move on from this. Read on to
learn five tips for healing from a painful
breakup.
1. Cut Off All Contact
Don't hang out where he hangs out. That
also means no Facebook, Twitter,
LinkedIn, email, phone or smoke signals.
Don't stalk him on any dating sites. You
don't want any signs of him in your life.
The less you're connected with your ex,
the less you'll obsess about him. So
disconnect!
2. Stop Talking About Him
In the beginning, especially if you were
dumped, you will probably want to talk
about him. You'll ruminate. You'll dream
about him. And then you'll talk some
more. Your friends will listen until they
can't take it any more. Some will be kind
enough to tell you that you should stop. I
had a client who kept asking, 'What did I
do wrong to cause the relationship to
fail? Why did I say this or that to him? If I
only did this or that, he wouldn't have
broken up with me.' I forbade her from
using his name anymore. She now calls
him 'The Schmuck', but even that is not
good for her. The less she talks about
him, the less he will be on her mind.
Eventually, she will stop thinking about
him and move on.
3. Fall In Love With Yourself Again
Find activities that will keep your mind
off of your ex. Learn a new skill or hobby.
Always wanted to take up photography?
Now is a great time. Take that trip you've
been dreaming of. When you're busy with
positive things, you'll begin to fall in love
with your life again, which will eventually
help you fall madly in love with yourself.
A healthy sense of self is the best way to
avoid dating people like your ex again.
4. Don't Date On The Rebound
It's easy to jump into a new relationship
in order to forget your ex. Don't do it! I've
seen too many clients who remarried
within a year of a divorce — only to get
divorced again a few years later. You need
time for yourself.
5. Do A Dating Detox
Take time to process the relationship and
learn from it. Keep a journal and write a
little every day. Write about what makes
you special and unique. Discover why you
chose this person, why you chose to stay,
and what you might have done to
contribute to the breakup. Don't beat
yourself up. Have self-compassion. You
are on a journey, and this person was part
of your journey to love. He was your
teacher. If you can't heal by yourself, find
a coach or therapist who will help you can
uncover how to make better choices from
the onset of your next relationship.
I suggest waiting about a year after a
long-term relationship ends to begin
dating again. This may seem like a long
time right now, but you do need time to
heal. You don't want to go unconscious or
numb in dating. Be mindful of how you'd
like others to treat you in the next
relationship. Know your relationship
needs, and you'll be on the road to
attracting an intimate, loving, romantic
relationship. These are just a few ways to
get over your ex. This is a complex issue,
and worthy of a much deeper discussion.
If you have other tips to share on how you
got over an ex, I'd love to hear your
thoughts below.
obsessing.
He dumped you. Heartbreak can be so
painful and emotionally challenging,
especially if you thought there was
potential for a future together.
Sometimes the end comes as a complete
shock, but often there are signs along the
way. You may have chosen to look the
other way or brushed every painful
comment or action under the rug. You
wanted the relationship to work, but now
it's over. So now you have recurring
thoughts of your ex. In extreme cases, it
can feel like you're going through
withdrawal from an addiction, but it is
always painful. As hard as it is to believe,
you can move on from this. Read on to
learn five tips for healing from a painful
breakup.
1. Cut Off All Contact
Don't hang out where he hangs out. That
also means no Facebook, Twitter,
LinkedIn, email, phone or smoke signals.
Don't stalk him on any dating sites. You
don't want any signs of him in your life.
The less you're connected with your ex,
the less you'll obsess about him. So
disconnect!
2. Stop Talking About Him
In the beginning, especially if you were
dumped, you will probably want to talk
about him. You'll ruminate. You'll dream
about him. And then you'll talk some
more. Your friends will listen until they
can't take it any more. Some will be kind
enough to tell you that you should stop. I
had a client who kept asking, 'What did I
do wrong to cause the relationship to
fail? Why did I say this or that to him? If I
only did this or that, he wouldn't have
broken up with me.' I forbade her from
using his name anymore. She now calls
him 'The Schmuck', but even that is not
good for her. The less she talks about
him, the less he will be on her mind.
Eventually, she will stop thinking about
him and move on.
3. Fall In Love With Yourself Again
Find activities that will keep your mind
off of your ex. Learn a new skill or hobby.
Always wanted to take up photography?
Now is a great time. Take that trip you've
been dreaming of. When you're busy with
positive things, you'll begin to fall in love
with your life again, which will eventually
help you fall madly in love with yourself.
A healthy sense of self is the best way to
avoid dating people like your ex again.
4. Don't Date On The Rebound
It's easy to jump into a new relationship
in order to forget your ex. Don't do it! I've
seen too many clients who remarried
within a year of a divorce — only to get
divorced again a few years later. You need
time for yourself.
5. Do A Dating Detox
Take time to process the relationship and
learn from it. Keep a journal and write a
little every day. Write about what makes
you special and unique. Discover why you
chose this person, why you chose to stay,
and what you might have done to
contribute to the breakup. Don't beat
yourself up. Have self-compassion. You
are on a journey, and this person was part
of your journey to love. He was your
teacher. If you can't heal by yourself, find
a coach or therapist who will help you can
uncover how to make better choices from
the onset of your next relationship.
I suggest waiting about a year after a
long-term relationship ends to begin
dating again. This may seem like a long
time right now, but you do need time to
heal. You don't want to go unconscious or
numb in dating. Be mindful of how you'd
like others to treat you in the next
relationship. Know your relationship
needs, and you'll be on the road to
attracting an intimate, loving, romantic
relationship. These are just a few ways to
get over your ex. This is a complex issue,
and worthy of a much deeper discussion.
If you have other tips to share on how you
got over an ex, I'd love to hear your
thoughts below.
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