Whether you've already started dating
after divorce, or you're about to take the
plunge, chances are good you're going to
be tempted to give in to three behaviors
that will sabotage either your ability to
move on from your marriage, or seriously
reduce the chance you'll find a wonderful
new man. Here are three post-divorce
dating dangers and how you can avoid
them:
1. Thinking all guys are like your ex.
Trusting a new man once you've been hurt
by your ex-husband is difficult. Yet, if you
don't get rid of this distrust toward men
it will destroy your chance of finding
someone new. This distrust often shows
up in online dating profiles when you say
things like "no head games," or "no
dishonest men." When you write those
things in your profile, you're broadcasting
on a billboard that you've been hurt and
that you're distrustful.
You'll scare away the men who have it
together because they'll recognize your
distrust immediately. And most of the
men who really do play head games or are
dishonest haven't admitted to themselves
that they possess these massive flaws ...
this makes it likely that they aren't going
to stay away from you just because you
ask them to in your profile. And when
you do get into a relationship after
divorce, even if the guy is faithful to you
and is madly in love with you, you may
not believe anything he says.
This can happen because in the back of
your mind, you'll have this ongoing
chorus playing: "All men are just like my
ex-husband. All men cheat. All men fall
out of love and break up with you." It
plays like a country song accompanied by
an out-of-tune guitar. Replace that chorus
with something more melodious,
something like: "I'm having a lot of fun
getting to know my new man (or my date)
and finding out what good qualities he
has." With each man you meet, you want
to start with a clean slate. 8 Great Dating
Tips For Recently Divorced Women
Look at him as an individual. Notice all
the ways your new man or date is
different from your ex-husband. If you're
still having difficulties trusting men after
divorce simply by using your logic, I have
found one of the most effective ways to
release your distrust is to use what's
called Emotional Freedom Technique
(EFT), which involves tapping on
acupressure points. A good place to learn
this technique is at The Rebuilding Your
Life After Divorce Mountain Retreat.
2. Getting involved in a rebound
relationship. If you're lonely after your
divorce, it's easy to get involved with
someone new before you're truly ready to
move on. But how do you know whether
that new relationship is the real thing or
whether you're simply on the rebound?
First, ask yourself if the person you're
with has the qualities you'd want in a
long-term partner. Do you have lots in
common with this person? Or is the
physical attraction blinding you to how
wrong you really are for each other?
Another question to ask: Am I happy
alone even without a man in my life? If
the answer is yes, then you're ready to get
involved in a new relationship. But if the
only reason you're getting involved in a
new relationship is because you can't
stand to be alone, then your new
relationship may indeed be a rebound
relationship. As you heal from your
divorce and think about the lessons you
learned from it, your new relationship
can be transformed from a rebound
relationship to a real relationship, as long
as it's based on more than just physical
attraction. Single & Ready To Mingle? 5
Places To Meet Local Men
3. Unintentionally holding onto
baggage. None of us are blank sheets of
paper. We have all been hurt in the past.
The key is to find ways to release the
baggage so it doesn't get stuck inside of
you. In fact, much of the time, you're
probably not even aware of your baggage.
It's time to start having an internal
dialogue with yourself. Did you spend
enough time alone after your divorce to
really think about what caused the
collapse of your marriage? While your ex-
husband likely played a part, did you have
any destructive habits? Blame is one of
the most common destructive habits I've
seen in couples. Divorced & Dating? Why
You Haven't Met Mr. Right
We want to blame our significant others
for the way we feel. But our emotions
have our nametags on them. We own
them. Rather than telling our partners
"You're making me angry," it's much
better to say, "When you did X, Y, or Z, I
didn't feel so good. I felt really
uncomfortable."
Whether it's avoiding blame or any other
relationship-sabotaging factors, is there
anything you could do differently in a new
relationship to stop it from going the way
of your marriage? It's only when you
answer this question that you can say
goodbye to your baggage and hello to a
wonderful new relationship.
after divorce, or you're about to take the
plunge, chances are good you're going to
be tempted to give in to three behaviors
that will sabotage either your ability to
move on from your marriage, or seriously
reduce the chance you'll find a wonderful
new man. Here are three post-divorce
dating dangers and how you can avoid
them:
1. Thinking all guys are like your ex.
Trusting a new man once you've been hurt
by your ex-husband is difficult. Yet, if you
don't get rid of this distrust toward men
it will destroy your chance of finding
someone new. This distrust often shows
up in online dating profiles when you say
things like "no head games," or "no
dishonest men." When you write those
things in your profile, you're broadcasting
on a billboard that you've been hurt and
that you're distrustful.
You'll scare away the men who have it
together because they'll recognize your
distrust immediately. And most of the
men who really do play head games or are
dishonest haven't admitted to themselves
that they possess these massive flaws ...
this makes it likely that they aren't going
to stay away from you just because you
ask them to in your profile. And when
you do get into a relationship after
divorce, even if the guy is faithful to you
and is madly in love with you, you may
not believe anything he says.
This can happen because in the back of
your mind, you'll have this ongoing
chorus playing: "All men are just like my
ex-husband. All men cheat. All men fall
out of love and break up with you." It
plays like a country song accompanied by
an out-of-tune guitar. Replace that chorus
with something more melodious,
something like: "I'm having a lot of fun
getting to know my new man (or my date)
and finding out what good qualities he
has." With each man you meet, you want
to start with a clean slate. 8 Great Dating
Tips For Recently Divorced Women
Look at him as an individual. Notice all
the ways your new man or date is
different from your ex-husband. If you're
still having difficulties trusting men after
divorce simply by using your logic, I have
found one of the most effective ways to
release your distrust is to use what's
called Emotional Freedom Technique
(EFT), which involves tapping on
acupressure points. A good place to learn
this technique is at The Rebuilding Your
Life After Divorce Mountain Retreat.
2. Getting involved in a rebound
relationship. If you're lonely after your
divorce, it's easy to get involved with
someone new before you're truly ready to
move on. But how do you know whether
that new relationship is the real thing or
whether you're simply on the rebound?
First, ask yourself if the person you're
with has the qualities you'd want in a
long-term partner. Do you have lots in
common with this person? Or is the
physical attraction blinding you to how
wrong you really are for each other?
Another question to ask: Am I happy
alone even without a man in my life? If
the answer is yes, then you're ready to get
involved in a new relationship. But if the
only reason you're getting involved in a
new relationship is because you can't
stand to be alone, then your new
relationship may indeed be a rebound
relationship. As you heal from your
divorce and think about the lessons you
learned from it, your new relationship
can be transformed from a rebound
relationship to a real relationship, as long
as it's based on more than just physical
attraction. Single & Ready To Mingle? 5
Places To Meet Local Men
3. Unintentionally holding onto
baggage. None of us are blank sheets of
paper. We have all been hurt in the past.
The key is to find ways to release the
baggage so it doesn't get stuck inside of
you. In fact, much of the time, you're
probably not even aware of your baggage.
It's time to start having an internal
dialogue with yourself. Did you spend
enough time alone after your divorce to
really think about what caused the
collapse of your marriage? While your ex-
husband likely played a part, did you have
any destructive habits? Blame is one of
the most common destructive habits I've
seen in couples. Divorced & Dating? Why
You Haven't Met Mr. Right
We want to blame our significant others
for the way we feel. But our emotions
have our nametags on them. We own
them. Rather than telling our partners
"You're making me angry," it's much
better to say, "When you did X, Y, or Z, I
didn't feel so good. I felt really
uncomfortable."
Whether it's avoiding blame or any other
relationship-sabotaging factors, is there
anything you could do differently in a new
relationship to stop it from going the way
of your marriage? It's only when you
answer this question that you can say
goodbye to your baggage and hello to a
wonderful new relationship.
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