Know the facts.
"If anything is truly equal opportunity, it
is battering. Domestic violence crosses all
socioeconomic, ethnic, racial, educational,
age and religious lines." — K. J. Wilson,
author of When Violence Begins At
Home.
Sadly, a US Department of Justice study
indicates that approximately one
million violent crimes are
committed by former spouses,
boyfriends, or girlfriends each year,
with 85 percent of the victims being
women.
For domestic violence to be defeated, it
must begin with information. Here are
eleven myths and facts about domestic
violence.
Myth #1: Domestic violence is only
physical.
Fact: Abusive actions against another
person can be verbal, emotional, sexual,
and physical. There are four basic types of
domestic violence:
Physical: shoving, slapping, punching,
pushing, hitting, kicking and
restraining
Sexual: when one partner forces
unwanted, unwelcome, uninvited
sexual acts upon another
Psychological: verbal and emotional
abuse, threats, intimidation, stalking,
swearing, insulting, isolation from
family and friends, forced financial
dependence
Attacks against property and pets:
breaking household objects, hitting
walls, abusing or killing beloved pets
Myth #2: Domestic violence is not
common.
Fact: While precise statistics are difficult
to determine, all signs indicate that
domestic violence is more common than
most people believe or want to believe.
For example, due to lack of space,
shelters for battered women are able to
admit only 10 to 40 percent of women
who request admission. Another example
is from divorced women.
Though they make up less than 8 percent
of the US population, they account for 75
percent of all battered women and report
being assaulted 14 times more often than
women still living with a
partner. Whatever statistics are available
are believed to be low because domestic
violence is often not reported.
Myth #3: Domestic violence only
affects women.
Fact: Abuse can happen to anyone! It can
be directed at women, men, children, the
elderly. It takes place among all social
classes and all ethnic groups; however,
women are the most targeted victims of
domestic violence. Here are more
statistics:
One in four American women report
being physically assaulted and/or
raped by a current or former spouse,
cohabiting partner, or date at some
time in their life.
Every day in the US three women are
murdered by a husband or boyfriend.
A woman is beaten every 15 seconds,
according to the FBI.
It is estimated that up to 10 million
children witness an act of domestic
violence annually.
Boys who witnessed domestic violence
are more than twice as likely to abuse
their wives or girlfriends than sons of
nonviolent parents.
Around the world, at least one in every
three women has been beaten, coerced
into sex, or otherwise abused in her
lifetime.
While men are victims of domestic
abuse, 92 percent of those subjected to
violence are women.
Myth #4: Domestic violence only
occurs among lower class or
minority or rural communities.
Fact: Domestic violence crosses all race
and class lines. Similar rates of abuse are
reported in cities, suburbs and rural
areas, according to the Bureau of Justice.
Abusers can be found living in mansions,
as well as mobile homes. In Not to People
Like Us – Hidden Abuse in Upscale
Marriages, by Susan Weitzman, PhD.,
she presents case studies of domestic
violence in families with higher than
average incomes and levels of education.
Myth #5: Battered women can just
leave.
Fact: A combination of factors make it
very difficult for the abused to leave.
These include family and social
pressure, shame, financial
barriers, children, and religious beliefs.
Up to 50 percent of women with children
fleeing domestic violence become
homeless because they leave the abuser.
Also, many who are abused face
psychological ambivalence about leaving.
One woman recalls, "My body still ached
from being beaten by my husband a day
earlier. But he kept pleading through the
door. 'I'm sorry. I'll never do that to you
again. I know I need help.' I had a 2-week-
old baby. I wanted to believe him. I
opened the door."
Her abuse continued for two more years
before she gained the courage to leave.
Myth #6: Abuse takes place because
of alcohol or drugs.
Fact: Substance abuse does not cause
domestic violence. However, drugs and
alcohol do lower inhibitions while
increasing the level of violence, often to
more dangerous levels.
The US Department of Health and
Human Services estimates that one-
quarter to one-half of abusers have
substance abuse issues.
Myth #7: Victims can just fight back
or walk away.
Fact: Dealing with domestic violence is
never as simple as fighting back or
walking out the door.
"Most domestic abusers are men who are
physically stronger than the women they
abuse," notes Joyce Zoldak in her book
When Danger Hits Home: Survivors of
Domestic Violence.
"In the case of elder abuse, the victims'
frail condition may limit their being able
to defend themselves. When a child is
being abused, the adult guardian is far
more imposing — both physically and
psychologically — than the victim."
Myth #8: The victim provoked the
violence.
Fact: The abuser is completely
responsible for the abuse. No one can say
or do anything which warrants being
beaten and battered. Abusers often try to
deflect their responsibility by blaming the
victim via comments, such as:
"You made me angry."
"You made me jealous."
"This would never have happened if
you hadn't done that."
"I didn't mean to do that, but you were
out of control."
Victims need to be assured that the abuse
is not their fault.
Myth #9: Domestic abuse is a
private matter and it's none of my
business.
Fact: We all have a responsibility to care
for one another.
Officials at the National Domestic
Violence Hotline offer this advice to
people who see or suspect domestic
violence: "Yes, it is your business. Maybe
he's your friend, your brother-in-law,
your cousin, co-worker, gym partner or
fishing buddy. You've noticed that he
interrupts her, criticizes her family, yells
at her or scares her.
You hope that when they're alone, it isn't
worse. The way he treats her makes you
uncomfortable, but you don't want to
make him mad or lose his friendship. You
surely don't want to see him wreck his
marriage or have to call the police.
What can you do? Say something. If you
don't, your silence is the same as saying
abuse is OK. He could hurt someone, or
end up in jail. Because you care, you need
to do something ... before it is too late."
Myth #10: Partners need couples
counseling.
Fact: It is the abuser alone who needs
counseling in order to change behavior.
Social worker Susan Schechter says
couples counseling is "an inappropriate
intervention that further endangers the
woman ... It encourages the abuser to
blame the victim by examining her 'role'
in his problem. By seeing the couple
together, the therapist erroneously
suggests that the partner, too, is
responsible for the abusers behavior.
Many women have been brutally beaten
following couples counseling sessions in
which they disclosed violence or coercion.
The abuser alone must take responsibility
for assaults and understand that family
reunification is not his treatment goal:
the goal is to stop the violence."
Myth #11: Abusers are evil people.
Fact: "Anyone can find himself or herself
in an abusive situation and most of us
could also find ourselves tempted to be
abusive to others, no matter how wrong
we know it to be," notes Joyce Zaldak.
Abusers are people who may be strong
and stable in some areas of their lives,
but weak, unreasonable, and out of
control in other ways. This does not
excuse their behavior because abuse is
always wrong.
Abusers need to be held accountable for
their actions and encouraged to seek help
promptly by meeting with a psychologist,
psychiatrist, therapist or spiritual leader.
With an informed community, with the
help of family and friends, the cycle of
abuse can be broken.
"If anything is truly equal opportunity, it
is battering. Domestic violence crosses all
socioeconomic, ethnic, racial, educational,
age and religious lines." — K. J. Wilson,
author of When Violence Begins At
Home.
Sadly, a US Department of Justice study
indicates that approximately one
million violent crimes are
committed by former spouses,
boyfriends, or girlfriends each year,
with 85 percent of the victims being
women.
For domestic violence to be defeated, it
must begin with information. Here are
eleven myths and facts about domestic
violence.
Myth #1: Domestic violence is only
physical.
Fact: Abusive actions against another
person can be verbal, emotional, sexual,
and physical. There are four basic types of
domestic violence:
Physical: shoving, slapping, punching,
pushing, hitting, kicking and
restraining
Sexual: when one partner forces
unwanted, unwelcome, uninvited
sexual acts upon another
Psychological: verbal and emotional
abuse, threats, intimidation, stalking,
swearing, insulting, isolation from
family and friends, forced financial
dependence
Attacks against property and pets:
breaking household objects, hitting
walls, abusing or killing beloved pets
Myth #2: Domestic violence is not
common.
Fact: While precise statistics are difficult
to determine, all signs indicate that
domestic violence is more common than
most people believe or want to believe.
For example, due to lack of space,
shelters for battered women are able to
admit only 10 to 40 percent of women
who request admission. Another example
is from divorced women.
Though they make up less than 8 percent
of the US population, they account for 75
percent of all battered women and report
being assaulted 14 times more often than
women still living with a
partner. Whatever statistics are available
are believed to be low because domestic
violence is often not reported.
Myth #3: Domestic violence only
affects women.
Fact: Abuse can happen to anyone! It can
be directed at women, men, children, the
elderly. It takes place among all social
classes and all ethnic groups; however,
women are the most targeted victims of
domestic violence. Here are more
statistics:
One in four American women report
being physically assaulted and/or
raped by a current or former spouse,
cohabiting partner, or date at some
time in their life.
Every day in the US three women are
murdered by a husband or boyfriend.
A woman is beaten every 15 seconds,
according to the FBI.
It is estimated that up to 10 million
children witness an act of domestic
violence annually.
Boys who witnessed domestic violence
are more than twice as likely to abuse
their wives or girlfriends than sons of
nonviolent parents.
Around the world, at least one in every
three women has been beaten, coerced
into sex, or otherwise abused in her
lifetime.
While men are victims of domestic
abuse, 92 percent of those subjected to
violence are women.
Myth #4: Domestic violence only
occurs among lower class or
minority or rural communities.
Fact: Domestic violence crosses all race
and class lines. Similar rates of abuse are
reported in cities, suburbs and rural
areas, according to the Bureau of Justice.
Abusers can be found living in mansions,
as well as mobile homes. In Not to People
Like Us – Hidden Abuse in Upscale
Marriages, by Susan Weitzman, PhD.,
she presents case studies of domestic
violence in families with higher than
average incomes and levels of education.
Myth #5: Battered women can just
leave.
Fact: A combination of factors make it
very difficult for the abused to leave.
These include family and social
pressure, shame, financial
barriers, children, and religious beliefs.
Up to 50 percent of women with children
fleeing domestic violence become
homeless because they leave the abuser.
Also, many who are abused face
psychological ambivalence about leaving.
One woman recalls, "My body still ached
from being beaten by my husband a day
earlier. But he kept pleading through the
door. 'I'm sorry. I'll never do that to you
again. I know I need help.' I had a 2-week-
old baby. I wanted to believe him. I
opened the door."
Her abuse continued for two more years
before she gained the courage to leave.
Myth #6: Abuse takes place because
of alcohol or drugs.
Fact: Substance abuse does not cause
domestic violence. However, drugs and
alcohol do lower inhibitions while
increasing the level of violence, often to
more dangerous levels.
The US Department of Health and
Human Services estimates that one-
quarter to one-half of abusers have
substance abuse issues.
Myth #7: Victims can just fight back
or walk away.
Fact: Dealing with domestic violence is
never as simple as fighting back or
walking out the door.
"Most domestic abusers are men who are
physically stronger than the women they
abuse," notes Joyce Zoldak in her book
When Danger Hits Home: Survivors of
Domestic Violence.
"In the case of elder abuse, the victims'
frail condition may limit their being able
to defend themselves. When a child is
being abused, the adult guardian is far
more imposing — both physically and
psychologically — than the victim."
Myth #8: The victim provoked the
violence.
Fact: The abuser is completely
responsible for the abuse. No one can say
or do anything which warrants being
beaten and battered. Abusers often try to
deflect their responsibility by blaming the
victim via comments, such as:
"You made me angry."
"You made me jealous."
"This would never have happened if
you hadn't done that."
"I didn't mean to do that, but you were
out of control."
Victims need to be assured that the abuse
is not their fault.
Myth #9: Domestic abuse is a
private matter and it's none of my
business.
Fact: We all have a responsibility to care
for one another.
Officials at the National Domestic
Violence Hotline offer this advice to
people who see or suspect domestic
violence: "Yes, it is your business. Maybe
he's your friend, your brother-in-law,
your cousin, co-worker, gym partner or
fishing buddy. You've noticed that he
interrupts her, criticizes her family, yells
at her or scares her.
You hope that when they're alone, it isn't
worse. The way he treats her makes you
uncomfortable, but you don't want to
make him mad or lose his friendship. You
surely don't want to see him wreck his
marriage or have to call the police.
What can you do? Say something. If you
don't, your silence is the same as saying
abuse is OK. He could hurt someone, or
end up in jail. Because you care, you need
to do something ... before it is too late."
Myth #10: Partners need couples
counseling.
Fact: It is the abuser alone who needs
counseling in order to change behavior.
Social worker Susan Schechter says
couples counseling is "an inappropriate
intervention that further endangers the
woman ... It encourages the abuser to
blame the victim by examining her 'role'
in his problem. By seeing the couple
together, the therapist erroneously
suggests that the partner, too, is
responsible for the abusers behavior.
Many women have been brutally beaten
following couples counseling sessions in
which they disclosed violence or coercion.
The abuser alone must take responsibility
for assaults and understand that family
reunification is not his treatment goal:
the goal is to stop the violence."
Myth #11: Abusers are evil people.
Fact: "Anyone can find himself or herself
in an abusive situation and most of us
could also find ourselves tempted to be
abusive to others, no matter how wrong
we know it to be," notes Joyce Zaldak.
Abusers are people who may be strong
and stable in some areas of their lives,
but weak, unreasonable, and out of
control in other ways. This does not
excuse their behavior because abuse is
always wrong.
Abusers need to be held accountable for
their actions and encouraged to seek help
promptly by meeting with a psychologist,
psychiatrist, therapist or spiritual leader.
With an informed community, with the
help of family and friends, the cycle of
abuse can be broken.
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