Being in love is an amazing feeling. It's
something that can't be described when
you're in it, and something you also feel
as though, once you've known it, you can
never live without.
But the thing about love is that it's more
about actions, than words. Saying "I love
you," is far easier than showing I love
you. Sure, the thought of saying the words
out loud might be scary, but what's even
scarier is showing love and risking the
chance that you might not get the
emotional response for which you had
hoped.
We spoke to an expert on the matter,
YourTango expert Julia Flood, LCSW, of
New Start Therapy in San Francisco, and
she shared some things that both men
and women do — and don't do — when
they're in love.
1. You DO put your best foot
forward.
Love brings out the positive thinking. As
Flood explains, "When we're in love, we
tend to put our best foot forward, and our
thinking about our partner's differences
range somewhere between 'I don't mind'
to maybe that will change.'"
2. You DO feel over the moon.
There's no denying that the euphoria you
feel when you're in love is intoxicating.
Everything is adorable, quirks are seen as
endearing and, as Flood told us, our
"differences are being minimized." Who
wants to focus on what doesn't overlap,
when there's so much beauty in all that
does?
3. You DON'T act completely
honestly.
As we already pointed out, love forces us
to show our good sides, downplay what
doesn't seem important at the moment
and maybe even in some small ways
become the person whom we're with. This
isn't about being deceitful or lying, it's
just that, in the beginning stages when
love is at it's highest, you don't want to
rock the boat with silly quibbles.
4. You DO fear the future.
As Flood points out, eventually "dis-
illusionment" sets in, and you're forced to
see a bit clearer than you did in the
beginning: "You will discover your
partner's flaws and shortcomings, and
start feeling disappointments in your
relationship. This is your first real test as
a couple, and many partnerships don't
survive this new developmental phase in
their relationship out of fear of "not being
a good match" after all.
5. You DO trust.
It takes a lot to trust someone so much
that you're willing to show all sides of
you. You may have presented your "best
foot" in the beginning, but only with trust
can you share everything you are — even
the stuff about which you might be
ashamed. In learning to love yourself,
you, in turn, learn how to love and be
loved. "You can only truly appreciate
your partner for who he or she is when
you have seen all sides of them," says
Flood.
6. You DON'T give up.
This should be a no-brainer, but
sometimes people don't make it past that
disillusionment phase, and sometimes
they just give up because it's not as easy
as it used to be. If it involves some
couples therapy to make things get back
on track, then that's what you do. When
you're really in love, you don't half-ass, it,
you stick to your guns and make it work.
Some people live their entire lives and
never know true love, so consider
yourself grateful that you have — don't
throw it away.
something that can't be described when
you're in it, and something you also feel
as though, once you've known it, you can
never live without.
But the thing about love is that it's more
about actions, than words. Saying "I love
you," is far easier than showing I love
you. Sure, the thought of saying the words
out loud might be scary, but what's even
scarier is showing love and risking the
chance that you might not get the
emotional response for which you had
hoped.
We spoke to an expert on the matter,
YourTango expert Julia Flood, LCSW, of
New Start Therapy in San Francisco, and
she shared some things that both men
and women do — and don't do — when
they're in love.
1. You DO put your best foot
forward.
Love brings out the positive thinking. As
Flood explains, "When we're in love, we
tend to put our best foot forward, and our
thinking about our partner's differences
range somewhere between 'I don't mind'
to maybe that will change.'"
2. You DO feel over the moon.
There's no denying that the euphoria you
feel when you're in love is intoxicating.
Everything is adorable, quirks are seen as
endearing and, as Flood told us, our
"differences are being minimized." Who
wants to focus on what doesn't overlap,
when there's so much beauty in all that
does?
3. You DON'T act completely
honestly.
As we already pointed out, love forces us
to show our good sides, downplay what
doesn't seem important at the moment
and maybe even in some small ways
become the person whom we're with. This
isn't about being deceitful or lying, it's
just that, in the beginning stages when
love is at it's highest, you don't want to
rock the boat with silly quibbles.
4. You DO fear the future.
As Flood points out, eventually "dis-
illusionment" sets in, and you're forced to
see a bit clearer than you did in the
beginning: "You will discover your
partner's flaws and shortcomings, and
start feeling disappointments in your
relationship. This is your first real test as
a couple, and many partnerships don't
survive this new developmental phase in
their relationship out of fear of "not being
a good match" after all.
5. You DO trust.
It takes a lot to trust someone so much
that you're willing to show all sides of
you. You may have presented your "best
foot" in the beginning, but only with trust
can you share everything you are — even
the stuff about which you might be
ashamed. In learning to love yourself,
you, in turn, learn how to love and be
loved. "You can only truly appreciate
your partner for who he or she is when
you have seen all sides of them," says
Flood.
6. You DON'T give up.
This should be a no-brainer, but
sometimes people don't make it past that
disillusionment phase, and sometimes
they just give up because it's not as easy
as it used to be. If it involves some
couples therapy to make things get back
on track, then that's what you do. When
you're really in love, you don't half-ass, it,
you stick to your guns and make it work.
Some people live their entire lives and
never know true love, so consider
yourself grateful that you have — don't
throw it away.
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