Questions to Ask Yourself Before Committing.

You've been on many dates. You laugh
at each other's jokes. You find their
quirks endearing. And you're excited to
see where the relationship might lead.
Before you take that leap into a serious
committed relationship, here are some
questions to ask yourself.
Question to ask yourself before
committing: Do we share the same
views on monogamy, marriage and
children?
The big-ticket items, like family,
marriage, and views on monogamy are
conversation-topic musts before leaping
into serious commitment. Differing
values on these areas are often non-
negotiables. It's better to know he
doesn't want kids or that she's not
interested in ever getting married now
than get further invested in a
relationship that, ultimately, can't have
a future.
Question to ask yourself before
committing: Are we spiritually
compatible?
Maybe you've already talked about your
faith backgrounds some, but articulating
what your spiritual life looks like on a
day-to-day basis — and what you aspire
it to become — is an important step in
determining when to get serious with
one another. If one of you eschews
organized religion and the other wishes
they could attend orthodox services
more often, you're likely going to hit
major roadblocks later on. Talk about
these differences and determine if your
differing faith systems are compatible
with one another.
Question to ask yourself before
committing: Are family and friends
supportive of the relationship?
Does your mom like him? Does your
roommate think she's awesome?
Positive feedback on the relationship
from family and friends can help give
you the green light in moving forward. If
loved ones agree that the person you're
seeing is a good match for you, you're
committing to a relationship with a
built-in support system.
If you sense hesitancy or wariness from
loved ones, try to determine why they're
not as gung-ho about the relationship as
you are. Maybe they're just looking out
for you following previous heartache.
Maybe they have some serious
reservations. Consider their yellow and
red flags seriously before committing.
Question to ask yourself before
committing: How do we deal with
conflict?
Have you fought yet? Have you seen him
upset? Establishing healthy conflict-
resolution patterns is essential in
cultivating a solid relationship.
Talk about conflict when you're not in
the middle of it. What often triggers
defensiveness in you? What angers you?
When do you feel most misunderstood?
Do you tend to fight about the same
things over and over? Establish rules for
"fighting fair."
Before committing, ensure that you're
both determined to always do right by
the other person — and can compromise,
apologize, and reassure when times get
tough.
Question to ask yourself before
committing: Can we communicate
honestly about uncomfortable
topics like money and sex?
The two biggest conflict topics in
committed romantic relationships are
money and sex. You'll be setting your
new relationship up for success if you
start talking about these things early on.
If you handle money differently, feel
uncomfortable revealing spending
philosophies, have different expectations
when it comes to splitting the check or
sharing a bed, now is the time to talk.
Practicing openness and honesty about
private matters can build trust and
prevent conflicts that arise from
misunderstandings and assumptions. If
you find you're not compatible in these
areas, be cautious about moving
forward. Many find these differences to
be irreconcilable.
Question to ask yourself before
committing: Have we both dealt
with our "baggage"?
Make sure you're entering into this
relationship for the right reasons — and
without the past tagging along. Don't
commit as a knee-jerk reaction to your
ex finding love elsewhere, or just
because you hate being alone.
Have you both dealt enough with your
relationship "baggage" that neither is
comparing the other to a past
relationship? If there's still a "one that
got away" in your life, you won't be
giving your all to the new relationship.
For a relationship to thrive, you need to
be fully present. Before you commit,
make sure this specific person is the one
you want, and that your past, while
important in terms of life lessons and
character building, isn't interfering with
you giving your best to someone new.
Question to ask yourself before
committing: Can I see myself with
this person in the future?
If you can't see yourself with this person
in a few months, let alone a few years,
you're not ready to commit. And if you
can already identify things that might
derail the relationship, you need to talk.
You don't have to know, without a
doubt, that this person is "the one," but
if you already know they're not, why are
you investing your time, energy and
heart on someone you don't want to be
with in the future? It's not fair to either
of you.
Question to ask yourself before
committing: Have we established
mutual trust and respect?
Do you treat each other well? Do you feel
like the person you're with wants the
best for you? Are you excited for each
other's dreams? Would you describe the
person you're with as trustworthy,
respectful and considerate?
A relationship missing these ingredients
is already filled with red flags. You want
to be with someone who treats you well,
and with someone whom you deeply
respect.
Question to ask yourself before
committing: Do I really like this
person?
It sounds trite, but it's so important that
you actually enjoy spending significant
amounts of time with the person you're
about to commit to. Do you really, really
like him? Do you care about the details
of his life? Does she preoccupy your
thoughts? Are you just interested in
being in a relationship, or are you
craving a relationship with this particular individual? If you like the person you're dating, in a Bridget Jones
"just as you are" kind of way, keep moving forward.
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