the wrong way can instantly result in a
loss of intimacy in your relationship.
Next time you're inclined to either "tell
him off" or "hold it in," follow these steps
and watch how they powerfully bring
your man closer.
Just letting out your feelings all over a
man by "telling him off" will only push
him away. And "stuffing down" your
feelings by pretending (to him, or to
yourself) that you feel something else
will also create distance between you
and a man. Here's why…and what to do
instead so you not only say what you
really want, but you draw a man closer
to you because of it.
HOW HIDING YOUR ANGER
CREATES DISTANCE
Our self-esteem depends on how honest
we are with ourselves, and the moment
we say or do something that is not being
true to what's really going on with us,
our self-esteem goes down. And as our
self-esteem goes down, we become less
attractive. A man is naturally drawn to
a woman who is in tune with her feelings
and who has both the confidence and
the self-love to NOT put up with what
doesn't feel good.
Usually, we bottle up our anger so much
that we wind up unleashing it on a man
in a way he can't hear – or we express
anger about something completely
different than what we're actually angry
about.
If you've ever blown up at a man because
he didn't pick up after himself when you
were actually craving more romance and
attention from him, you know what I
mean. You were really feeling angry
about feeling unloved, not about his
dirty socks.
8 STEPS THAT WILL CHANGE
EVERYTHING
So, if we're feeling hurt, disappointed
and angry, how do we "let it out"
truthfully in a way that increases his
attraction to us and changes whatever is
going on that made us angry in the first
place?
1. STOP. Interrupt whatever you're
about to do or say – it hasn't worked
before.
2. Sit down. Don't go somewhere else so
he won't see you.
3. Take a deep breath. Let it out, and
then breathe in and out two more times.
Imagine the air flowing all the way down
your body and relaxing each body part
as it touches it.
4. Find the feeling. Let's say he made
plans to do something else when you
were hoping for a romantic evening.
Know what the feeling is NOT: It's NOT
"I'm so glad you made other plans,
because I really wanted to spend the
evening alone washing my hair." You
know you feel BAD. You know you feel
disappointed and angry.
5.Tell the truth. Without saying the
word "you" (which only serves to blame
him and make him defensive), say: "I
feel bad," or "I feel disappointed," or "I
feel angry."
6. Don't back down. You might feel
vulnerable and afraid that you've gone
too far. You haven't. If he apologizes,
thank him. And then say, ""I don't like
feeling bad (or disappointed or angry). It
makes me feel turned off."
7. That's it; you're done. Listen to what
he has to say, but don't get into a
discussion about it. Your goal here was
simply to honor your feelings (and
therefore yourself) by communicating
your feelings to him.
8. Immediately do something that
makes you happy. It could be something
as small as making yourself a cup of tea
or going for a walk. The point is that you
are taking care of yourself rather than
expecting him to do so, which makes you
even more attractive in his eyes.
The next time you feel yourself
welling up with anger and unsure
about how to handle it, try the steps
above. It takes practice to reverse long-
standing patterns, but you can do it.
Once you do, I know you'll feel so much
better about yourself – and so much
more adored by the man in your life.
The stronger you feel, the more the
anger will dissolve, and you will discover
a whole new level of intimacy in your
relationship.
www.trueheart2love.diydating.com
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