You've probably got your must-have/
can't-stand list that describes exactly
what you're looking for. Now's a great
time to take a look at yourself as well.
Do you have what it takes to be a great
dating partner? How "dateable" you are
depends, in part, on your goals for
dating. If, like most people, you're
hoping to find someone with whom you
can really connect, a good place to start
is by looking at your own emotional
health and availability.
Table for three? An obvious example
of someone who's not emotionally
available would be a person who's still in
love with an ex or not over an old
boyfriend/girlfriend. You are not
dateable — at the moment — if your
feelings are still entangled with an old
flame or former partner. It's essential to
break up with the past before you're
ready for a future with someone new.
Desperately seeking…anyone.
Maybe you're not still in love with a
former partner, but do you have the
opposite problem? Are you so desperate
to connect that you'll settle for pretty
much anyone? Perhaps you're afraid of
being alone. Or maybe you feel
unattractive and unimportant unless
you're in a relationship. Whatever the
reason, feeling desperate to connect is as
much a hindrance to true intimacy as
still being in love with someone else. It
hinders intimacy because any
relationship you enter into won't be
driven by the wonderful discoveries
you're making about each other. The
relationship, instead, becomes simply
the means to an end — the end being
relief of the desperation that drives you.
When "anyone will do," true intimacy is
unlikely.
Still angry after all these years.
Bitterness is consuming and takes a lot
of energy. In other words, if you're
harboring anger toward someone you
used to love, you're not fully available to
engage with someone new. If that's you,
get counseling, find friends who will help
you process, and fill your journal with
thoughts and feelings. Do what it takes
to let go of a grudge and forgive. Anger
and bitterness anchor you to
unpleasantness in your past. That's no
way to begin a new chapter in your life.
Gross generalizations are, well,
gross. Do you think all men are
cheaters? Do you believe all women are
just gold diggers? Gross generalizations
of the opposite sex not only speak
volumes about the relationship wounds
you've endured, but they also keep you
from seeing the uniqueness that will
make up the next person you date. And
when you're incapable of seeing a dating
partner for who he or she really is, true
intimacy is impossible.
Address the obstacle of addiction.
If you're struggling with any kind of
addiction — drugs, alcohol, sex,
gambling — you may have some hard
decisions to make before putting yourself
"out there" as someone ready for a
happy relationship. Addictions not only
get in the way of emotional intimacy,
they also complicate our lives in matters
of health, finances, and even legal
problems. Take action today to deal
squarely with your addiction and achieve
true freedom. Then you can start looking
for true love.
The online profile test. If you have
an online dating profile, here's an
interesting way to gage your dateability:
Have a close friend read your profile and
give you feedback. Are you so focused on
past hurts that you spend your profile
listing all the character flaws you don't
want in a date? Do your insecurities lead
you to misrepresent yourself in your
profile because you think no one would
want to date the "real you"? Sometimes,
the way we describe ourselves in the
paragraphs of a dating profile says a lot
about how ready we are for that next
relationship.
Sometimes the answer is as simple as
recognizing that you need to shift your
mindset or attitude in an area – then
making that change. Other times, of
course, becoming a dateable partner
requires purposeful effort to grow and
improve. Either way, it's worth taking a
look at yourself and making the choices
today that will make you an even greater
partner tomorrow.
Have you looked at what you have to
offer as a partner?
www.trueheart2love.diydating.com
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