done when you meet someone you're
immediately infatuated with, but taking
the time to really get to know someone is
crucial for building the foundation of a
[hopefully] long-term relationship.
Here are tips for how to pace yourself
while dating:
1. Speak up.
If you want to go slow, say so — and say
it early. If you establish boundaries and
a pace you're comfortable with early on,
you won't be alarming your date with an
awkward "We need to slow down"
conversation later. Reassure your
partner that the reason you want to take
your time is because you're really into
him/her and don't want to mess up the
relationship by jumping in too fast.
2. Don't confuse honesty with
verbal diarrhea.
You don't have to air all of that
proverbial "dirty laundry" on the first
date just because he asks you a question
about your personal life. Be honest and
open, but refrain from unloading every
little detail about your exes, financial
situation, or health issues right away.
There will be a time and place to share
everything eventually; the first few dates
usually don't qualify as appropriate.
3. Use restraint.
Just because you both made fun of
Celine Dion on your first date doesn't
mean you have to text her every single
time you hear "My Heart Will Go On" in
the grocery store. Don't act on every
impulse to make contact. Instead, share
some of those little moments and stories
with your date the next time you spend
time together.
4. Avoid talking about your
collective future.
Don't make future plans together too
soon. Sure, you both love French food,
but this doesn't mean that you should be
making hypothetical plans to visit Paris
together in the fall when you've only
been dating for two weeks. Nor should
you be talking about fun New Year's
plans if your first date is in July. And
never start planning a wedding until
you're both already in it for the long
haul.
5. Don't say "I love you" yet.
You might believe it, but that doesn't
mean you should say it — yet. You might
be swept up in a new romance, or just
riding high after a passionate kiss. Even
if this isn't the case, your partner's
feelings might not be mutual. Give the
relationship time to develop until you're
both feeling secure and confident about
its direction. If you know you'd be upset
if your partner couldn't say "I love you,
too" after you made a confession of love,
hold off until you're sure he/she is head
over heels for you.
6. Keep living your life.
It's easy to make a new relationship the
center of your world. Be careful to honor
previous commitments to family,
friends, work and hobbies. Don't put
your life on hold for a new object of affection. Let your date know about your
involvements and slowly introduce him/
her to your world. Sure, with time you'll
give your partner a greater portion of
your schedule, but in the early stages,
make sure you continue to nurture your
friendships and keep the commitments
you've already made.
www.trueheart2love.diydating.com
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