Skip to main content

How Far Should I Go For Long Distance Love?

Dear Dr. Warren,
My question is regarding long distance
relationships initiated on the Internet.
How much time should you spend with
someone "in person" before deciding to
relocate? You can get to know someone
over the phone and Internet, but I feel
there are too many gaps that can only be
filled by face to face interaction and that
over an extended period. We are very
attracted to each other and feel we are
compatible, but how do you relocate
across the country for a "maybe"?
–Brent, AK
Brent,
This is indeed an important question.
For many years I have emphasised that
long distance couples take some
determined and comprehensive steps
before making a commitment of any
kind.
My first suggestion is that you create as
many opportunities as possible for face
to face interaction before either of you
move. You are correct, the phone and
Internet work well to keep in touch, but
eventually it's vital that you spend hours
and hours of time together just being in
the same place. There's really no other
effective way to determine if you are
truly compatible.
Secondly, I suggest that you visit each
other in as many different circumstances
as you possibly can. Limiting your visits
to romantic weekends or holidays
creates a false sense of experience
together. It's easy to come away from 5
romantic weekends convinced that your
partner is loving, kind, attentive and
adaptable. Of course, your range of
knowledge about the person is shallow
because you've never seen this person
after a hard day of work, stuck in a
traffic jam, furious at you because you
were late, or enduring a crushing
disappointment.
You must find a way to gather a wide
range of knowledge about this person
before pulling up your roots and moving.
It may seem strange to travel across the
country to try and witness your
girlfriend while she goes about her
everyday life, but I believe it is vital if
your relationship is to have a chance of
become a brilliant one.
Lastly, you must come to terms with the
risk involved in your relationship. At
some point, before you marry, one of you
is going to have to pack up and move
their life across the country. This should
be done before there is intent to marry
and certainly before there is an
engagement.
If you have set the wheels in motion to
marry and the move is just a prelim step
in that direction, the momentum of the
wedding may make it hard for one or
both of you to say, "Wait, this doesn't
feel right." You risk making a grave
mistake. You need to spend time early in
your long distance relationship
discussing how this move would happen
if the relationship continues.
Obviously Brent, the broad question you
ask, "How much time?" is impossible to
answer with knowing you and your
circumstance personally. But my best
answer is that you should wait as long as
you can afford to wait and gather as
much information from as many
different circumstances as you can
before you propose marriage. Whatever
decision you reach with this particular
person, I think that the caution and
contemplation that you use at this stage
of the marriage decision will serve you
well throughout the rest of your life.
www.trueheart2love.diydating.com

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Windows 10 now on 600 million machines.

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella told shareholders that Windows 10 has now passed 600 million monthly active users, picking up 100 million since May of this year. This number counts all Windows 10 devices used over a 28-day period. While most of these will be PCs, there are other things in the mix there: a few million Xbox Ones, a few million Windows 10 Mobile phones, and special hardware like the HoloLens and Surface Hub. The exact mix between these categories isn't known, because Microsoft doesn't say. The company's original ambition (and sales pitch to developers) was to have one billion systems running Windows 10 within about three years of the operating system's launch. In July last year, the company acknowledged that it won't hit that target—the original plan called for  50 million or more phone sales a year , which the retreat from the phone market has made impossible. But at the current rate it should still be on track for somewhere in excess of 700 million use...

WZoneLite – A Pretty Cool WooCommerce Amazon Affiliate Plugin .

Everyone wants to make a million dollars by being a blogger. The promise of riches and internet fame is a big draw to doing it for a lot of people, and I’m sorry to say that the reality of being a blogger (even a professional blogger!) is not quite…as financially lucrative as all that. But that’s not to say that it  can’t be –one of the best ways to start your empire is with an Amazon affiliate plugin. For me, the Amazon Associates program has been one of the biggest earners for me over the years. Not only are there CPM ads like Google Adsense (you know, the normal banner ads we all love to hate), but any time someone clicks a link from your site, you get a percentage of  anything  they buy while the token from your site lasts in their browser. If they buy a song, you get a few cents. If they buy a new MacBook Pro and iPhone? You get…a lot more cents. With that in mind, WZoneLite is a  pretty cool WooCommerce Amazon affiliate plugin that syncs everything together s...

Mayweather's Marriage Proposal -- I'll Love You Forever ... But Your Attitude Sucks!

It's what every little girl dreams of ... a marriage proposal over text message ... complete with crazy Hollywood bribes and a demand that you change your crappy attitude, stat.  And that's exactly what Floyd Mayweather fired off to Shantel Jackson back in April '14 ... according to new court docs obtained by TMZ Sports.  Jackson put the proposal on display in new legal papers filed in her nuclear war with her ex-fiancee ... which shows how Floyd tried to convince Shantel into getting engaged for a 2nd time.  "This is what I offer to you. Let's get married move in together you can go back in forth to L.A and stay at the condo." "I promise I will get you in 3 A list movies this year and I'm willing to go to counseling to make us work and you can get the stuff you want and I'm willing to change but I need you to have a better attitude." How romantic, right?! Shantel says she shot down the offer (shocker) ... and included several t...