you go? What do you talk about?
Should you let him kiss you? How do
you keep a date from turning into an
interview? The key is creating a "shared
experience" that establishes a lasting,
romantic connection from the get-go.
Here's how to do it.
No matter how well you get along with
someone online, everyone knows that
nothing really happens until you get in
front of each other. That's when you'll
find out if there is enough chemistry to
lead to romance. And that can put a lot
of pressure on both people.
But your first meeting with someone on
trueheart2love.diydating.com will already be off to a great start if you remember just one thing:
this isn't even a date. That's right: the
first time you take things offline and into
the real world, you're simply sharing an
experience. This alone should take the
pressure off right away. Here's how to
make that happen.
CHOOSING THE PLACE
Now that you're in the mindset that this
first meeting is an experience, not an
interview, where do you go? If you're
still in Open Communication, use it to
express what a fun date is for you, and
ask him what it means to him. Get this
out of the way early on so you both have
a picture of what would be an enjoyable
time out for both of you.
What you don't want to do is the default
dinner or coffee date, because when you
sit opposite each other then you're back
to the interview. Instead, pick a place
that will let you walk and talk at the
same time, and that will provide readily
available talking points. It's the
connection that's important, not what
you do.
Do something cheap: the park, zoo, a
promenade, the museum. All of these
will give you ample things to look at and
chat about, all while creating a fun,
shared experience that will be
memorable for both of you…and open
the door for a heart connection.
EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS
If you're worried you might not say the
right things to him, don't. Connecting
with a man is not about cerebral
conversation and impressing him with
your wit. It's about letting him see your
feeling, feminine self in all its glory.
When he experiences you experiencing
your feelings, it intrigues him. He sees
that you are comfortable being yourself,
and he therefore lets down his guard and
feels it's okay to be himself, too.
When you only convey thoughts rather
than feelings, you can end up creating a
non-romantic situation. You might
connect with him on an intellectual
level, but you won't connect with his
heart.
This doesn't mean you need to hide how
smart you are. On the contrary, it
means you share more of what you love
about your life. In order to have a
sensory experience about something,
you have to know about it. So if you're a
biochemist, express how passionate you
are about making a difference in people's
lives – whatever it is about your career
that keeps you motivated. When you
stick to feelings, you keep the meeting
from turning into an interview.
STAYING IN THE MOMENT
One of the things that makes first
meetings so nerve-wracking is how
much stock we place in them. So don't!
Even though it might be hard not to
think about the future and whether this
first might be the one to end all first
meetings, stay grounded in the present
moment.
It might be tempting to discuss things
like marriage and children, especially
when you've had good rapport with
someone online. But let him lead any
future talk. Take the pressure off
yourself by letting him initiate any such
discussions. Doing so gives you the
advantage of truly seeing where his
mind is at and what he thinks of you.
He'll find it refreshing that you're not
pummeling him with questions (there's
that interview again), and instead he'll
feel that he can just relax and get to
know you. That's when he'll feel safe
enough to open his heart.
SAYING GOODBYE…OR SEE YOU
LATER
If you want to see him again, don't end
the evening with a handshake or a hug.
If you like him, let him kiss you. Just let
it happen. Make that your rule instead
of the no-kiss rule, because you want to
establish a romantic feel to your
interactions with him from the outset.
But what if you're not really feeling it for
him? I say always give a guy at least two
dates (especially since the first one isn't
really a date!) If you decide he really
isn't for you, keep it simple and
gracious. Say, "Thank you for a nice
time. I enjoyed meeting you, but I feel
we're not a match." Every man who
comes into your life has something to
teach you, and every one gets you a step
closer to your Mr. Right.
www.trueheart2love.diydating.com
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